The baby is coming home today. Children have been saying “XX makes me happy” over and over in the morning. (I couldn’t hear what they said.) Their dad and they went to the hospital to pick up their mommy and baby. They got home in the afternoon and played with drawing pictures and origami while the baby was sleeping. When the youngest child was drawing something with colored pens on origami paper, I asked him, “What color is it?” and he answered by thinking of the name of the color. It was so cute. Also, when he couldn’t remove the glue stick, and brought it over to me and said, “Help!”. Bath time is still hard. They brush their teeth at bath time, but they play around by spitting water at me from their mouth. I tell them to stop because it’s dangerous, but I can’t tell them to stop. My current problem. After the bath, the oldest child brought a book about 「うさぎとかめ」 and asked me to read it to her in Japanese. She probably wouldn’t understand, so I read her a little and then taught her the names of the animals in Japanese. The words “usagi” and “kame” appear repeatedly, so she quickly memorizes them. When I pointed and asked, “What’s this?”, she answered, “usagi” and “kame,” which was cute. After that, she asked me, “Can you make an origami usagi?”, so I asked, “Do you wanna try to make one with me?” She tried, but it still seemed difficult. When it was time to drink her bedtime milk, she played instead of drinking it, so I asked, “Do you drink milk ?” She tried to drink her younger brother’s, so I told, “This is XX’s (younger brother’s),” and she replied, “I don’t want to talk with you anymore.” I couldn’t find the words to respond immediately, and even though it was a child who said it, I felt sad. I knew there must be a better way to say it, and I felt like I was a failure as a childcare worker, which caused me to lose confidence. It was a path I decided on after much thinking, so it’s too late now to say it, but I thought it would not be too late after I’d gained a few years of experience in Japan, and I should have. Recently, I’ve been feeling so powerless that it’s brought tears to my eyes.
今日は赤ちゃんが家にやってくる日。朝から「〇〇makes me happy」と繰り返し言っていた。（聞き取れなかった）子どもたちとパパで病院に迎えに行った。お昼すぎ帰ってきて赤ちゃんが寝ている間は絵を描いたり折り紙をして遊んだ。下の子が折り紙に色ペンで何か描いている時、「what color is it?」と聞くと色の名前を考えて答えるのがかわいかった。のりの蓋が外せない時には「help」とこちらに持ってくるのもかわいい。相変わらずお風呂の時間は大変。お風呂の中で歯磨きも済ませてしまうのだが、口に含んだ水をこちらに向かってかけようとしたりふざけるから、危ないからやめるように言うけどうまく伝えることができない。今の悩みポイント。お風呂の後、うさぎとかめの本を持ってきて、日本語で読んでほしいと言ってきた。意味がわからないだろうから、少しだけ読んで、あとは出てきた動物の名前を日本語で教えた。「うさぎ」と「かめ」は何度も出てくるのですぐに覚えて、「これは？」と指差して聞くと「ぅさぎ」「かめ」と答えていて可愛かった。そのあとはうさぎを折紙で作ってほしいというので「一緒にやってみる？」と聞くとトライしたもののまだ難しいようだった。寝る前のミルクを飲む時に、飲まずに遊んでいたから「もうミルクは飲まない？」と聞くと弟のものを飲もうとしたから「これは〇〇（弟）のだよ」と言うと「I don’t wanna talk with you anymore」と言われてしまった。その場で返す言葉も見つからず、子どもに言われたとはいえ、悲しかった。もっといい言葉がけがあるはずだし、なんか保育者としてダメダメな気がして自信を失う。迷って悩んで決めた道だし今更いえないけど、数年日本で経験積んでからでも遅くはなかったのかなとかそうすべきだったかなと考えてしまう。最近自分の無力さばかり感じて涙が出る。
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